Alright, now that you’ve seen the title, let me explain.

I love to travel pretty much more than anything. I want to see the world, and one of the best ways to see lots of places is to go on cruises since food, activities, and so forth are included. If you do the math, it ends up being quite a bit cheaper than if you actually stay at hotels (even less expensive ones) and eat at restaurants, which you’d probably want to do. Yeah, hostels are fine, but if you actually put time into finding deals on cruises then you can still get to more places for cheaper. And obviously there’s something different and nice about cruises too, right?

The trouble is that pretty much all the cruise lines require you to have somebody who is at least 21 with you. For a long time, this has put a pretty big damper on my travel fantasies. However, I’ve recently found a loophole for a cruise that I’d very much like to go on near the end of the year. Take a look for yourself at Royal Caribbeans’ exception for married couples:

No child under 21 years of age is allowed in a stateroom unless accompanied by an adult aged 21 years or older. This age restriction will be waived only for underage married couples (proof of marriage is required) or for minor children sailing with their parents or guardians in adjacent staterooms.

Bingo.

So now you see the plan, and hopefully you aren’t freaking out. If you can stay calm long enough to think about it, this is actually very practical. I’ve talked about this with Kendra Owens, who already has enjoyed several cruises with her family. We talked about it quite a bit, actually, and obviously we laughed our asses off (and we’re still laughing), but yeah. It’s happening. Oh God, it’s happening (did I mention the laughing?).

We’re going to get one of those drive-through marriages in the beginning of April so that the paperwork can be done, and then as soon as we get back from the 14 Night Canary Islands & Portugal cruise, we’re going to get legally divorced (can you hear the laughing yet?). We’re totally just taking advantage of a loophole, but hey, I’m just enough of a lawyer dick to be okay with it.

And let’s face it. Marriages these days are hardly serious anyway.

Anyway, since we don’t actually care, we’d like to simultaneously invite you to our marriage and divorce party. We’ll probably just have some sodas in Spreckles or something like that, and basically, we’ll just be celebrating our own douchbaggery. For wedding presents, bring us cookies or something and we’ll love you forever, or at least until our divorce party on December 22 this year (at which time we shall expect more cookies).

I don’t know how many people do this, but we can’t possibly be the first, and it seems like this is what drive-through chapels are designed for. If anybody would like to join Kendra and I as we laugh our way through Spain, the Canary Islands, Portugal, and even Morocco, just grab a “partner” and come and get “married” with us. The round trip plane tickets will be $900 per person, and the cruise itself will be $1,100 for two people, so it’s actually $550 per person. $1,450 (you can add your own shopping money) is a very good deal for seeing all these places, and that’s the point. So if you get a job fairly soon then you still might be able to come with us. And no, I don’t think your “special other” will be terribly offended if you ask for a pre-nup.

This is going to work perfectly. I am a genius. I think I’ll have to get “married” next year too. Aren’t I romantic? Now, how to explain to the parents so that they don’t freak out and get the wrong idea…

If you’ve gotten this far, then see how things turned out in part 2!

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 29th, 2008 at 12:23 am and is filed under My Life, Ridiculous. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.