They were just kidding, but I’ve been accused by my friends of being asexual more than once because I don’t talk about girls and hotties and stuff like they do, but that’s not the truth. I’m just embarrassed is all. Not uncommon. I’m not shy when it comes to other things, but I suck at talking about that stuff and get disgustingly bashful.

From listening to my other friends, it seems like everybody is a little different with regards to what they’re attracted to, but I think my friends are more similar to each other than I am to them. I know what I like though, but I’m curious what others (guys and girls) think because, well, it’s an interesting topic, no?


I’m putting personality turn-ons first because they’re the biggest turn-ons for me. I don’t think that’s nearly as uncommon among men as some people think.

Here are some of the traits that I notice:

  1. Playfulness! I want to be with somebody who knows how to be silly, fun, and carefree. Everybody should be able to let go when they’re around the people they love, especially their significant other.
  2. Intelligence! You choose how to hold yourself, so don’t talk, act, dress, or otherwise present yourself as stupid. Talk confidently when you know what you’re talking about, and ask interesting questions when you don’t.
  3. Not too chatty! Knowing how to talk and feeling the need to keep talking are two separate things. I’m socially comfortable, but I’m in my own head a lot. I’m best with people are like that too.
  4. Some edgy interests! It doesn’t have to be much, but if you like horror movies or heavy metal, then don’t hide it. I like that stuff, and I don’t think other people find me freaky. Sure it’s possible to go too far, but that just means you’re for somebody else who is also “that far.”
  5. Passionate! I care about stuff, and I feel like I can connect with people when I see them caring about stuff too. It’s good to be relaxed and down to earth most of the time, but it’s nice to see a little fire in the eyes every once in a while for a few things you really like even if they’re just little things you like a lot. I want to fall in love with the whole person, including the dark side. Again, it’s very easy to go too far with this one.


One of the things I realized that differentiated me from my friends was how we were physically attracted to girls and how that affected whether or not we decide to date a girl. Personality is important to all of us obviously, but they think that the guy has to immediately think the girl looks great or else the relationship will collapse. For me, instead of high physical attractiveness being a prerequisite, it’s more like high unattractiveness is a disqualifier. See the difference?

So I’m still human, and looks do affect how attracted I am, though I feel a little primal and vain for admitting it.

Here are some qualities that I notice.

  1. Friendly, comforting face. You probably already picked up on how I get nervous with girls. But every once in a while, I’ll encounter a girl who just has something about her expression that puts me at ease like we’ve already been friends for a long time.
  2. Sparkle in the eyes. Like a rascally, grinning kid about to pounce on an unsuspecting parent. Eyes are already nice in general which is why everybody always talks about them, but it’s that particular cunning, fierce glint that I really like, and not all eyes have it.
  3. Subtle but unique expressions. I’m pretty good at reading people and apparently I’m easy to read myself, but some people naturally express themselves through tiny but noticeable tweaks in the corners of their mouths or squinted eyes. Not overly dramatic expressions though. The pureness of the expression should be matched by how private it is for the two of us. I like that.
  4. Thin body. Heh, I feel even more primal and vain for admitting it, but yeah. Not unrealistically skinny or anorexic, but thin is nice. I like when girls look nimble. Maybe it’s connected to how I like when they can be playful.
  5. Sophisticated, but a little daring too. I’m an artist, but I don’t think people should feel like they need to make excuses for being able to appreciate aesthetics. When people dress interestingly, pleasingly, and appropriately at the same time, we should be able to enjoy it for all of the same reasons as being able to enjoy anything else that looks nice. Relaxed outfits like jeans and a sweater are nice too, and “adorable” is always way better (and less scary) than “hot.

Post in the comments what you agree and disagree with, and if you think I missed something critical, say so.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 at 8:14 am and is filed under All Entries, My Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

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