For this in-class writing assignment, we had to write a story that hinged on a character asking, “Where were you last night?” We had about ten minutes to write it. After that, we had to write the same story from the other character’s point of view.

I definitely like the second one more than the first one, even though I forgot a few things since we had to write really quickly.

Story 1

The stained glass vase shattered instantly, exploding out with sparkling blues and purples and greens that danced and jingled all along the floor up to the door. Silence followed, unpierced even by the slow beeps of the heart monitor.

“Where were you last night?” she asked quietly after a frozen eternity.

“I was here with you, dear.” Tom carefully stepped around the bits of glass to get over to her bed. Gently, he lifted her head and fluffed the pillow beneath it, then took her hand and removed the wedding band to wipe the sweat from her finger.

“Oh. I see.” Her voice was softer, a bit more sad and vulnerable in spite of her best efforts. “What did we do?”

Tom smiled for her and set her hand back down after sliding her ring back on. “Well, we watched a movie, and then you beat me at checkers, and–”

A nurse knocked on the door and cracked it open. “Mrs, Tilldrup, it’ll be be five minutes before the surgeons are ready.”

“Oh. Yes, thank you,” she said with just enough of a tremor in her voice to betray her confusion.

The door clicked shut, so Tom continued after beginning to sweep the glass into a corner with his foot. “I bought you a vase for the flowers, but it seems like they threw them out already.”

Another pause. Tom turned his back so that she could not see him stuff his palms into his eyes just for a moment. “Julia, I’ll bring you new flowers. Sunflowers. You like sunflowers more than roses anyway.” He dried his hands on his pants and turned back to her with a smile.

“I thought you were buying flowers for me last night,” she said with a concerned furrow in her brow. Worry lines spread from the corners of what remained of her one lip over the terrible seared ruins of her lower face. “Where were you last night, Tom?”

“I’m right here, Julia. I was with you last night too.” He smiled for her.

Flipped Perspective

The washed light of fluorescent bulbs pointed into her face, just like it always had. She tried to move her head and hold her hands up to block it, but the only arm moving in the room belonged to the clock on the wall.

“How long have I been here? I want to move,” she thought to herself just as the door opened. In walked Tom, and a big smile spread across the cracked remnants of her face. He smiled back at her, but then his foot caught on the corner of the door and the stained glass vase he’d been holding kept going without him. It smashed on the floor in a cacophony of blues, purples, and greens until all the little bits had danced and jingled as far as they could go. A silence followed that even swallowed the rhythmic blips of the heart monitor.

Suddenly, Julia was filled with terrible worries, and she blurted out as slowly as she could make herself, “Where were you last night?”

“I was here with you, dear.” Tom carefully stepped over the shards of glass, and she felt his clammy hands gently lift her head to fluff her pillow. He then took her hand, removed the wedding ring, and cleaned a circle of sweat that had formed under it before sliding it back on.

“Oh, I see.” Even she could hear her voice grow softer, sadder, and more vulnerable. She tried to just move on. “What did we do?”

Tom smiled for her. His smile was always so reassuring.

“Well, we watched a movie, and then you beat me at checkers, and–”

The door clicked open again, and a nurse’s head poked through. “Mrs. Tilldrup, it’ll be five minutes before the surgeons are ready.”

What surgeons? What for? How bad was it? But she didn’t want to seem confused, so she just choked out, “Oh, yes, thank you” as politely as she could.

The door clicked shut. Tom looked down and began to sweep the glass into a corner with his foot. “I brought you a vase for the flowers, but it seems like they already threw them out.”

Another pause. Tom turned his back to her and inconspiculously lifted his hands to his eyes and then wiped them on his pants. He turned back to her with that smile, that reassuring smile.

But then, she was suddenly filled with worry. “Where were you last night? Tom?”

“I’m right here, Julia. I was with you last night, too.”

She tried to put her hands up to block the light, but couldn’t. Tom just smiled for her. She loved his smile.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 11th, 2009 at 7:26 pm and is filed under All Entries, Fiction. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.