Archive for the ‘Ridiculous’ Category
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The 10 Types of Dungeons & Dragons Players
I’ve been a dungeon master (the person who comes up with a story and runs a game) for several years now, and I’ve noticed that there are a couple common types of players. For my and your amusement, I’ve made a list of ten of those player archetypes.
I know I’ve been guilty of more than one of these roles when I’ve been a player! Read the list with a smile though, and if you see yourself in any of these, then just laugh along with me and be merry about it. Enjoy!
1. The Direction Despot - Whether or not they actually have a map, this person always grabs the steering wheel. You can be sure that they’ll spend a lot of time asserting themselves and trying to turn the other player characters into minions. Heck, some of the time, they’ll even try to play other people’s characters for them. Sometimes, they won’t even try to convince the rest of the party to go along with what they want to do. As the party is deciding whether or not to side with the king, they’ll just declare that their character walks into the palace because that’s what their character would do, “and the party has the option of coming along.”
2. The Uninterested Shell - In contrast to the Direction Despot, this person just sits. Everybody else kind of wonders why they like the game since all they really do during the five hours of playing is roll the dice a few times, but since they’re not disruptive and everybody tends to get along with this person, it’s cool. And sure, every once in a while, they’ll say something whenever somebody else is being particularly annoying. But for the most part, this person is devoid of any interaction or feedback.
3. The Entitled Mime - Similar to the Uninterested Shell, this person doesn’t do things on their own. Sure, they do some things, but the point is that they’re mostly quiet. Instead of thinking up things for their character to pursue, they think that their dungeon master is supposed to hand them significance. Whenever another player does something proactive and thus gets a lead role in a mission, they get outraged that the dungeon master is clearly playing favorites. And because they don’t think they have anything to do, they don’t really do anything other than roll dice, mutter angrily, and occasionally have their character do something random and disruptive just to remind everybody else how capable and important they are.
4. The Gabby Socialite - Little did you know when you started your campaign that you… weren’t starting a campaign. This person talks a lot, which is surprising since they’re often still aware of what’s happening in the game and engage their character in situations. But the trouble is that 99% of the time, they’re either not talking about the game at all or trying to turn whatever is happening in the game into a joke (they usually get carried away with the whole “It’s good to have a sense of humor at the table” thing).
5. The Moral Contortionist - Nobody is a cheater. Absolutely nobody, and certainly not the group that I’d like to call Moral Contortionists. Sure, they might make up their own dice results, fudge a few things on their character sheets, or generously interpret some rules, but since it’s all about having fun, then clearly nothing is wrong with this. And since nothing is wrong, then obviously there is no cheating. It’s not like they do it a lot (who’s counting?), so it’d be overkill to call them a cheater anyway. Not that they’re cheating, since we already talked about how cheating isn’t cheating. You just need to relax. And look the other way, please.
6. The Oversensitive Dignity - Everybody gets attached to their characters, but some people just take everything personally at the table. If you end up allowing this person’s character to get killed by the angry orcs or if you act out a judgmental sage that verbally berates their character, then expect this person to accuse you of being petty enough to petty enough to personally target their character for some unknown reason. Anything that happens at the table is a personal insult, actually. Perhaps they think that you telling them that they need to roll the diplomacy check too is you trying to make them feel inferior, or they think that making a ruling that isn’t to their liking means that you’re letting the authority get to your head. Basically, just expect them to be mad at you all the time.
7. The Ostentatious Attorney - This person has gone out of their way to try to outsmart you when it comes to the books. If they find out that you’ve read a new rulebook, then expect them to read two. If you cite anything that isn’t helpful to the party in a situation, expect them to ask for a moment to double check that. Naturally, they’ll be right once in a while, and they’ll delight in pointing it out in either an irritatingly passive aggressive or openly pretentious way, and use it to try to assert that they’re the foremost authority on the rules. They’re always watching and waiting, so it’s bound to happen. But also naturally, don’t expect them to count all the times they doubt you and dive into the book without resurfacing with anything.
8. The Balance Breaker - These power gamers just don’t have any self-restraint. They spend as much time reading the rulebooks as the Ostentatious Attorney and the dungeon master, but instead of doing it for the purpose of learning about as much of the game as possible, they’re just hunting for whatever can make their character even more awesomely powerful and broken. They take great pride in what they do, and are usually pretty clear about how everybody else should play the game like they do (after all, if everybody else was like this, the party would actually be balanced, they’ll say). Of course, they don’t want to face the fact that the books were actually designed by well-paid people whose whole job is to make the information accessible and the math easy enough for second graders.
9. The Transitive Expert - How long they’ve been playing Dungeons and Dragons is irrelevant. The Transitive Expert started role-playing in some other game, and from this has come to view his or herself as an expert on role-playing, period. They come to the table with expectations of how things should be done, and will hold you and your campaign to standards of their creation. Anything they don’t like — and I do mean anything — is either a problem with you as a dungeon master, you as an inferior role-player, or with the Dungeons and Dragons system itself. Sometimes they really do have good ideas or are focusing on an aspect of another game that really does do something better than how Dungeons and Dragons does it, but more often than not, these people are just focusing on being upset with the same things anybody would be upset with instead of spending their time actually trying to play their character.
10. The Philosophy Robot - This is not a game, it’s a life pursuit, and it’s serious business, people! These people will talk about the game the same way that a priest talks about how to live; there is a right way to do it, and a wrong way. If you let them, they’ll preach for as long as you’ll listen about the proper way to get into and make decisions as your character. Or how to build your character to reflect your background story. Or when it is and is not appropriate to question the dungeon master. Or why parts of the book should be dismissed as invalid and illegitimate. Or whatever. Unless you particularly care, it’s probably best to either just nod politely and hope that they realize that they’re droning on, or poke them and very carefully tell them that it doesn’t really matter that much in the end as long as people are having a good time (but be ready for gasps and a long-winded rebuke if you mess this up).
*Obligatory Disclaimer: This list is not aimed at anybody in particular. I’ve seen each of the roles on this list filled by many, many people, and we all giggle about it now. It’s not a sneaky, childish attempt at getting anybody to change, but instead, it’s just like I said at the beginning. This is purely for the entertainment of anybody who has ever played Dungeons and Dragons. Turn that frown upside down and giggle with us!
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Lol, Happy Chanukah.
This cracked me up. Saw this on Jisuk’s blog, who saw it on NancyKay’s blog. And indeed, it’s worth passing on. I’m still cracking up. Man, I love people. Happy Chanukah, folks. Hopefully we’ll get something this amusing for Christmas, too.
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Disconnected? Gasp!
Now that I’m home again for a bit, you’d think that I’d be diving back in to the internet and all that. But oh no, that’d just be too nice, right? Our internet service provider has been increasingly unreliable over the past several months, but now it’s just out. I’m surprised I’m able to make this entry to let you all know. In any case, we’re going to be switching providers, so hopefully I’ll be able to reconnect with all of you before I head back up the mountain.
Oh, and if you thought that you could get around it by calling me on my cell phone, there’s more bad news: it’s lost and out of battery. I didn’t take it with me to Montecito, so it’s got to be around here somewhere. However, it’s now had about three weeks to find the perfect hiding spot.
Unreliable internet. No cell phone. Blahg. Well, I suppose your best bet for getting in touch with me is still email, but yeah. Aroo.
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Steve Ballmer Music Video
Man, this is good stuff. I was posting on Bagelwood an idea for a spoof game pitting Microsoft against Apple against Linux in a sort of Mortal Kombat way, and of course, Steve Ballmer had to be in there going berserk somehow. This made me want to see the video of him going crazy during a speech again, so I went to Youtube. I came across this music video version which I hadn’t seen before, and man, it’s gold.
Gold, I tell you.
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Shyness Quiz
Haven’t really been updating the Deviant Art journal, really. Meh. That’s why you should read the actual blog (www.geekperspective.com) I suppose. Anyway, got this one from Kendrachu. It’s kind of funny, because she’s actually been one of my examples of a person who is definitely not shy but answered a lot of these questions and now thinks that she’s 60% shy. Tee hee. She checked off “Blushes really easily.” Right, Kendra, because you’re just so uncomfortable about human anatomy and all. XD
Anyway, here I go.
[ ]You don’t like public speaking.
[X] You find it hard to talk to strangers.
[ ] You don’t like to look people in the eye.
[X] You hate using public restrooms. (Hate is probably too strong of a word, really. I just like my privacy is all, and can tell when I’m not getting it.)
[ ] You don’t like to go shopping alone.
TOTAL: 2[ ] Being introduced to new people makes you nervous.
[ ] When you’re in a group of people, it’s difficult to think of what to say
[X] You have a lot of trouble talking to the opposite sex
[ ] You don’t like answering the door
TOTAL: 1[ ] You can’t stand people watching you
[ ] One on one conversation makes you nervous
[X] You don’t like to ask people for help
[ ] You hate to read out loud
[ ] You don’t like answering questions from adults.
TOTAL: 1[ ] you dread ordering food at restaurants.
[X] You are uncomfortable at parties, unless you know everyone well.
[ ] You don’t like to talk around certain people, because you’re afraid of being embarrassed by what you say.
[ ] You wish you were more outgoing.
[ ] You hate being in the center of attention
TOTAL: 1[ ] you don’t know how to react to compliments.
[X] You prefer reading, writing, or listening to music than being around too many people.
[X] You blush easily. (Apparently the sport of the year is “Let’s Make James Blush” all of a sudden.)
[X] You spend a lot of time in your room.
[X] You don’t like talking about personal things.
TOTAL: 4OVER ALL TOTALS: 9/24, or 37.5% shy.
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