Archive for the ‘Ridiculous’ Category
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By Request
Being that it sounds like I’m going to be contributing at least some of the funds for the hotel in addition to providing the means for getting there and back again, I’ve got a little bit more bargaining power now. So eat that.
I was asked today (by Collin I believe?) to post the current list of things that I have to do in exchange for Kendra paying for the hotel and Katie paying for my dinners during the trip up to Anime Expo.
1. Kitten ears.
2. Tail.
3. Collar.
4. Leash.
5. Must allow anybody to pet me, rub my head, etc. as long as they want.
6. Must say respond by saying “Meow” whenever Katie or Kendra “Meows” at me. (Other people can only do this three times per day.)
7. Must sit whenever Katie or Kendra say to. (Other people can only do this three times per day.)
8. Undecided.Grrr. All I can say (for the millionth time) is that Anime Expo better be worth it.
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LMAO. Possibly the funniest day of my life, to say the least.
As a courtesy to me, please, if you want to talk to your friends about this story, tell them to read this blog post first, insist they read the whole way through, and THEN the two of you can go off and giggle about it together in private. This is just to make sure that we don’t get a “telephone game” effect. Thanks. :D
Oh, and yeah, I know it’s a really long post. But yeah, it’s quite a little story to say the least, and it definitely just gets better and better (or worse and worse) as it goes on right up until the end. But don’t start reading unless you’re really going to read it all, because it actually does have a little twist at the end.
This has got to be one of the funniest days of my life ever. I love how these things work out. I’ll tell you what happened so that you can laugh at my embarrassment, because really, today was pretty priceless. I knew it was going to be an “interesting” day to begin with, but man oh man, I’m just sitting here giggling and shaking my head now.
See, today was the day that Kendra, Meredith, and I were going to go swimming and stuff. This was already going to be a funny day since, well, you can read about it in previous posts for more detail but the basic idea is that I’ve been wanting to really get into swimming for a long time and Kendra agreed to teach me how to play water polo in exchange for me showing her a bit of karate technique. Neither of us have been able to get to the pool in ages so we had to go buy swimsuits beforehand and everybody involved knew I’d be squirming a bit since I’d be getting my first tight swimsuit, and apparently watching James fight blushing is just incredibly entertaining.
Anyway, Meredith couldn’t make it after all, so it was just Kendra and I that went to get swimsuits and stuff. And yes, I did manage to pull myself together, bite my lip, and get what I needed to get. I ended up getting a jammer, brief, goggles, cap, and a really cool rashguard for wakeboarding (didn’t end up getting the boardshorts though because the only pair that went with the rashguard was way too big), so I guess I need to get one more thing, but I can just go out and do that whenever or order it even). Yeah, Kendra giggled and teased me a little bit (especially when they had to do a price check on the jammer, gahhh), but she was actually really cool and supportive at the same time and all that mumbo jumbo. Which isn’t to say she isn’t evil though. :P
If you’d been there, I suppose it would’ve been funny to see my expressions and all that, but the really funny bit is next.
We were driving back, and we were both like, “OMG shrimp sounds wonderful.” I was going to show her a place called the Tin Fish, but she said she’d be willing to cook up a shrimp dinner and even make those spice cakes that I’ve been dying to try, and, well, who the hell are we kidding here? Home cooked shrimp is on the list of things you should be willing to give your life for.
Pause. Zach, laugh it up and enjoy the smug feeling you’re about to enjoy. I know you’re going to just love this. Just don’t rub it in too much so people don’t get the wrong idea, you prat. Resume.
So there we were, driving back from Sports Chalet. We’re coming from downtown and we’re going toward the convention center, crossing over the trolley tracks. The light turns red, so I stop before making the turn. I’m a little more “out” than I like to be and a speeding hummer is about to tank on by, so I back up a bit, careful to not go too far back since I don’t like stopping on the train tracks. Kendra and I giggle a bit about how good her cooking will be (I’ve got to give her a hard time about the Tin Fish even though we both know her shrimp would probably be amazing and all that jazz, you understand). The light turns green. I accelerate. Tap. Oh. Yeah. I’d put the car in reverse to get out of the way of the hummer, and forgot to take it out! Me! Captain Safety Driver, of all people!
Even though it was just barely a tap and even though all I did was scratch their grill, it was still technically my first accident! And gahhh, with Kendra in the car, too!? And we didn’t even make it swimming, after all the embarrassment at Sports Chalet!?!? And the embarassment for shaving my arms and legs at school when I realized that I hadn’t actually needed to do that!?!?!?!? Kendra was giggling, and the guy and his wife were grinning too (I couldn’t help but get the feeling that they thought it was cute or something in a way). Fine, so it wasn’t a big deal at all, but oh, the humanity! And I was still worried because, well, fine, so the guy and his wife were awesome (oof, they recognized my last name when we exchanged information, that was another great little moment) and Kendra was giggling, fine fine fine. But still! Technically, something had happened, and even if everybody else on the face of the earth thought it was cute, funny, and no big deal, I could just feel the tail between my legs. Me! Captain Safety Driver! Gahggzzgg!
Oh. You thought the story was over and the day was done, did you? Hell no!
So when we’re looking at the car, the guy and his wife are like, “Hey. What’s that?” We peek over at the back of my car. It’s not dented at all or anything… but wait! Under the metal, under the car, out of view, there’s a little dent in the little plastic. We all just stare at it, and I feel my cheeks turn bright red. How could this be? We barely tapped, and the metal of the car is fine, and the other guy’s car is fine, so how could this even make sense? Ahhhhhg! It was small and nobody even noticed it until the guy asked, but ahahhhh! The guy and his wife smiled and looked at each other apparently as confused as I was (and perhaps slightly amused by the color of my cheeks, which I could feel burning), and the guy, apparently not knowing what to say, just sort of slowly smiled and asked, “So then, um.. You alright?” It was a rhetorical question I think just to cut off the puzzled silence. I said yes, and we scratched our heads for a second to try to figure out how that could even happen. Then he shrugged, they said goodbye (and commented, “Oh, and you’re dad was a really good football player, by the way!”) before going on their way.
I got back in the car with Kendra. Oh man. The whole thing took less than five minutes and, sure, I was the only one who cared since everybody else was grinning if not giggling. Oof. I can only imagine what my expression must have been life. Kendra and I went to Albertson’s like we planned to from there so she could get the shrimp and stuff, but, well, have you ever had the feeling where you’ve done something and you think your parents are going to be all disappointed with you, and you’ve got your tail so far between your own legs that you’d feel guilty if you did anything fun? Yeah, that was me. In the shrimp aisle, I let that Mr. Responsible-James take over, and I told Kendra it’d probably be wise if I went home and stuff. So we parted ways, and I called my dad, and….
“Oh. That’s it? Don’t sweat it, son. You’re still going to have dinner at Kendra’s, right?” There I was sitting in the parking lot at Albertson’s talking to my dad on the phone, having just told him that I had *technically just had my first accident,* and told him about the bump on the car, and he totally okay. He knew that I was phyically okay, so that was off his checklist. He knew the cars were fine, so that was off his checklist. So I guess he moved down on his list since he knows me (he knew I’d sort of “punish myself” that is), and didn’t want me to or anything! He was just curious about my plans for the night now!
Was there something I didn’t know?
Well, alright then. I called her and gave her the update, and she said that we could still do stuff and that Meredith and the others were probably available by now. That sounded cool, but then I remembered, oh yeah, my mother. And thus, I went back into “I should probably go to my room” mode and told her I’d see her tomorrow at the game after all, but to say hello to everybody for me, yada yada. She giggled, said okay, and we hung up.
I went home, and a while later my dad came home from dinner. Oh yeah. With my visiting Uncle Joe! Ahhhhg! They’d been talking about how good of a driver I was just the day before, so blahhhg! I hadn’t called to tell my dad that I’d decided to come home (I didn’t want him to feel like he had to console me out of punishing myself, which is sort of weird now that I think about it), but I guess he knows me too well since he opened the door and yelled a hello up the stairs. He stood there smiling. My jaw dropped, and his smile grew to a grin and he shook with a bit of silent laughter. I took him outside and showed him the car. There was still a good bit of light out since the night was still young, but even so, the little bump in the plastic was so hidden that we couldn’t see it at all anymore. He shook with a little more silent laughter, and I began to feel silly. I ran my hand over the bump so he could see it that way by watching my hand, and he just like, “Yeah, okay. You should call your friends, James.” And then it hit me. The reason why the bump didn’t make any sense from the accident? Gee, maybe because it’d already been there, and was just so small and out of the way that nobody had cared? My dad winked at me as I realized it, put his hand on my shoulders, and kind of waddled me inside in that way fathers do.
What was this!? We went back inside, and then Uncle Joe and my dad gave me a brownie and some milk since I was still blushing and embarrassed looking, and they laughed between stories about them going through some guardrail on the way to breakfast, pulling the car out of the ditch, kicking their fender back in place, and continuing to breakfast, and another story about my cousin who had his first accident literally while still in the driveway by hitting a UPS truck while pulling out. And the stories were pretty funny, and I finally began to see how tiny my first little accident was.
After that, they got their golf clubs, told me I should really call up my friends and go do something, and then they began their two-hour drive up to Warner Springs. That was it. And it was really nice, because after they closed the door, I went up to my room, and I think I could hear them say out of my window “He really is a good driver,” “Yeah, I hope he doesn’t want to stop driving or anything,” and stuff like that as they got in the Expedition. And that was a good feeling.
So alright, I thought to myself. Maybe it is all a little bit funny. And now, looking at the entire day… I’m really, really glad I kept my cool, heh, because this has got to have been one of the funniest days of my life. And it’s a little bit late now, but then, not too late, so just maybe I will see what everybody’s doing tonight. :P
P.S. Never got to go swimming though! Glargh! I’m really excited about going swimming now! I might even go up to the pool or even hit the beach tomorrow, because I seriously can’t wait now! :D
Quote of the Day:
“But yeah, I’ve been having a wonderful time. Let’s do it again, James.
Let’s make sure to get the same couple too.” -Kendra’s DA Blog. -
Kittenboy Crisis Update
You’re all evil. Every last one of you. Evil.
1. Kitten ears
2. Tail
3. Collar
4. Leash
5. Kennel
6. Fish gag?
7. Handcuffs!!?!?
8. Wash?!??!??So filled up the list, finally, but there’s definitely still going to be some negotiation going on. For example, I don’t know what the deal with the fish gag is. See, they want to take a gag and replace the mouthpiece with a fish, and then make me walk around with it on and make it so I can’t take it off. Apparently, me with a little fish in my mouth will be “cute.” Blahg. See, how are they even going to make it? Where the heck would they go to get a gag before the anime expo?
Then, the handcuffs. There is only one reason why they want the handcuffs: to destroy me. See, they know I’m ticklish, but I’m really good at blocking their attempts at tickling me. So I figure they want the handcuffs to take care of that so that they can tickle me. This one makes me especially nervous, because what if they got me? I mean, I get that I’d be wearing it more as a braclet and I get the joke and stuff, but you know full well they’d try to get the free cuff on my other arm when I wasn’t looking or something. And if that happened, then I’d be relying entirely on my ability to wiggle out of their reach and run away. You have no idea what these people are capable of. They’re the kind of people who not only enjoy watching me squirm when they tickle me, but they like to hear me scream, too (only I never actually have, not even a squeal, but if they had the handcuffs and I couldn’t get away for once then, oof). And they’re the kind of people that’d use the tickling to make me say things, too. Eeeesh. And even aside from all that, they’re handcuffs! They’d be parading me around with kitty ears and handcuffs! I get that the point is to make me squirm, but eeeeeesh!
And then… oof. The washing thing is scary! They keep bringing it up in the middle of random conversations because I can’t help but blush, and it’s possibly going to be the most awkward thing for me ever. I doubt they’re going to make it nice for me. Something tells me that they’ll make it as embarrassing as possible, as in, not even a human bath (which would probably be even more awkward and certainly not appropriate; would you really want people touching you like that?). It’s probably going to be the kind of the kind of thing where they grab a hose, cover me in soap, and then use mops to rub it all in or something like that. I hope they’re gentle at least, but oof, you know they’re going to try to make me jump and use cold water and all that.
Anyway, they’ve got a few months to think about it and confuse themselves and second guess themselves, so maybe we’ll see some of the things fall off the list and be replaced me other things. So again, nobody give them any ideas.
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The Kittenboy Crisis
How did this happen? Somebody, save me! Quickly, all of my developer friends who visit this, write a virus or something that will get my friends/torturers Kendra fired from her job and Katie in trouble so she doesn’t get her allowance, so they won’t be able to pay for this! Or something! THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO DRESS ME UP AS THEIR OWN PERSONAL KITTENBOY. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. NO MORE GIGGLING OVER THERE, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU MUNCHKINS.
So I was sort of expecting that it might not actually happen since hey, they’d probably rather buy a “seme/uke paddle” or something than dress me up as their own little “kittenboy pet/slave/toy/victim-thing.” I mentioned this to Kendra, and she just giggled and shook her head. Not only are they going to be dressing me up, but — I kid you not — it sounds like they’re even going to have a collar custom made for me.
“Custom made collar? What? People custom make collars?” Yes, yes they do. I kid you not. And if Kendra can convince Katie to go that route instead of the two of them parading me through Petco to have me try them on (somebody tell me which is worse, please?), they’ll be getting it from the Collar Factory. Though the collar is one of Katie’s items so the two need to talk, Kendra has proposed that it be this: a one inch, black leather collar with black lambskin lining, an actual buckle, and a little metal ring.
And for those of you that have asked, no, they have not picked the other three items yet; I’ll let you know when they do. Being that they’re apparently even willing to have a custom collar made for the occasion, I’m now much more worried about this. Here’s the item list (no updates from previous post).
1. Kitty ears
2. A tail
3. A collar
4. _____
5. _____
6. _____How did this happen? They’re seriously going to do this? They’re sadistic! Please! Somebody save me from being paraded around by them, before it’s too late!
And just so you understand exactly how serious all of this is, I’m talking to Kendra as I’m writing this, and she sent me this and said, “And just so you know, this is you.”
She’s talking about making one of the things be “No shirt” and stuff. No, now she’s talking about making me have a fish in my mouth with a weird fish-gag thing. God. She’s sadistic. She’s enjoying this way too much. Please somebody save me.
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Oof, what have I gotten myself into?
I’ve never been to Anime Expo before, but I’ve known about it for a while and have wanted to go. I’ve been to Comic-Con several times, but anyway, you’re not reading this for that. The story is simple. I’m going to be driving Kendra up to Long Beach, which is where Anime Expo is going to be. However, she is the money, and will be paying for the hotel, and Katie will be paying for dinner. And so the deal is that in exchange for that, they’re going to dress me up… as a kittenboy.
So the way it’s looking as this. Kendra is paying for the hotel for four nights, and Katie is paying for dinner for four nights. So they get to dress me up in eight things. I’m driving Kendra both ways though, which brings it down to six things. I’m squirming in my chair just thinking about it. I think that’s probably why they’re so amused by the idea of dressing me up! They like watching me squirm and blush. In fact, I’ve even got a drawing that sums their devious ways up nicely.
Anyway, here’s what they’ve schemed up:
1. Kitty ears
2. A tail
3. A collar
4. _____
5. _____
6. _____Kendra drew a picture to give me a little idea of what I’d look like, and when I get back to school I’ll scan it in for ya and add it below. In the meantime, I’m going to look something like this apparently:
So… this should be interesting. Oof, hat have I gotten myself into? Anime Expo better be damn good!
Update: Gah, what’s happening? I was meowed at, and I meowed back before I realized it. Zaaahhh!
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