Geek Perspective

They were just kidding, but I’ve been accused by my friends of being asexual more than once because I don’t talk about girls and hotties and stuff like they do, but that’s not the truth. I’m just embarrassed is all. Not uncommon. I’m not shy when it comes to other things, but I suck at talking about that stuff and get disgustingly bashful.

From listening to my other friends, it seems like everybody is a little different with regards to what they’re attracted to, but I think my friends are more similar to each other than I am to them. I know what I like though, but I’m curious what others (guys and girls) think because, well, it’s an interesting topic, no?

Personality

I’m putting personality turn-ons first because they’re the biggest turn-ons for me. I don’t think that’s nearly as uncommon among men as some people think.

Here are some of the traits that I notice:

1. Playfulness! I want to be with somebody who knows how to be silly, fun, and carefree. Everybody should be able to let go when they’re around the people they love, especially their significant other.
2. Intelligence! You choose how to hold yourself, so don’t talk, act, dress, or otherwise present yourself as stupid. Talk confidently when you know what you’re talking about, and ask interesting questions when you don’t.
3. Not too chatty! Knowing how to talk and feeling the need to keep talking are two separate things. I’m socially comfortable, but I’m in my own head a lot. I’m best with people are like that too.
4. Some edgy interests! It doesn’t have to be much, but if you like horror movies or heavy metal, then don’t hide it. I like that stuff, and I don’t think other people find me freaky. Sure it’s possible to go too far, but that just means you’re for somebody else who is also “that far.”
5. Passionate! I care about stuff, and I feel like I can connect with people when I see them caring about stuff too. It’s good to be relaxed and down to earth most of the time, but it’s nice to see a little fire in the eyes every once in a while for a few things you really like even if they’re just little things you like a lot. I want to fall in love with the whole person, including the dark side. Again, it’s very easy to go too far with this one.

Physical

One of the things I realized that differentiated me from my friends was how we were physically attracted to girls and how that affected whether or not we decide to date a girl. Personality is important to all of us obviously, but they think that the guy has to immediately think the girl looks great or else the relationship will collapse. For me, instead of high physical attractiveness being a prerequisite, it’s more like high unattractiveness is a disqualifier. See the difference?

So I’m still human, and looks do affect how attracted I am, though I feel a little primal and vain for admitting it.

Here are some qualities that I notice.

1. Friendly, comforting face. You probably already picked up on how I get nervous with girls. But every once in a while, I’ll encounter a girl who just has something about her expression that puts me at ease like we’ve already been friends for a long time.
2. Sparkle in the eyes. Like a rascally, grinning kid about to pounce on an unsuspecting parent. Eyes are already nice in general which is why everybody always talks about them, but it’s that particular cunning, fierce glint that I really like, and not all eyes have it.
3. Subtle but unique expressions. I’m pretty good at reading people and apparently I’m easy to read myself, but some people naturally express themselves through tiny but noticeable tweaks in the corners of their mouths or squinted eyes. Not overly dramatic expressions though. The pureness of the expression should be matched by how private it is for the two of us. I like that.
4. Thin body. Heh, I feel even more primal and vain for admitting it, but yeah. Not unrealistically skinny or anorexic, but thin is nice. I like when girls look nimble. Maybe it’s connected to how I like when they can be playful.
5. Sophisticated, but a little daring too. I’m an artist, but I don’t think people should feel like they need to make excuses for being able to appreciate aesthetics. When people dress interestingly, pleasingly, and appropriately at the same time, we should be able to enjoy it for all of the same reasons as being able to enjoy anything else that looks nice. Relaxed outfits like jeans and a sweater are nice too, and “adorable” is always way better (and less scary) than “hot.

Post in the comments what you agree and disagree with, and if you think I missed something critical, say so.

Today’s meme to pass around to friends for when you’re bored brought to us by Mason “Kong” Prenevost.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can’t use the artist I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Repost as “my life according to (artist name)”

Originally tagged on Facebook by a coworker of mine, Elijah “Chewie” Colpitts.

If you’ve been tagged or you are reading this, you have the honor of copying all these goofy questions, writing your own response, and tagging 25 other victims. You have to tag me so really you just need 24 more people. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you – but not in a creepy stalker kind of way.

I think this kind of thing is very interesting and it’s one of the things I like to think about for fun. I think a lot of other people enjoy thinking about this stuff too, so here you go. I hope you enjoy it.

When used to consider a list of religions that have a concept of heaven or hell, my conjecture should (hopefully) conclusively lead to either exactly zero, one, or two religions being possibly correct. However, it only works for religions that at least have a concept of heaven or a concept of hell. Religions do not need to have both though.

1.What is more difficult: looking into someones eyes when telling how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they tell you how they feel?
I’m naturally empathetic, rational, and loyal all at the same time (INFJ, woot), so I’m a pretty good listener. I tend not to open up to others myself though. I feel too embarrassed and vulnerable even just considering telling people things little things. Looking somebody in the eyes while telling them something deep and personal would probably be harder for me than looking somebody in the eyes and listening to them tell me how they feel.

2. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry?
The last time I got angry was fairly recently. I was frustrated because there’s a girl I like who I think I would be a great match for and she for me, but I’m shy/awkward/clueless about this stuff and don’t know how to get her to think of all the ways we’d be good for each other. Plus, I’m moving around this year enough that I don’t think she’d say yes anyway, even if I promised to come and visit as much as possible. It’s still frustrating to think about, but I’m at least a little bit more resigned to it now.

3. You will die in three minutes. Last call?
My mother.

4. If you could do anything OR wish anything, what would it be?
It would be very tempting to wish for Jedi powers and a lightsaber, but in the end, I’d wish for peace, health, and prosperity for all.

5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love.
I want love. Trust will come from others with and without love.

6. You are walking to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you if you are late one more time you’re fired. Do you save the dog?
Since I have a heart, I’d save the dog. Then I’d call the animal control center so that they can pick up the dog and find its owner. While waiting for them to come, I also call my boss to tell them what happened, and I’ll be sure to use all the charm I can muster to deliver the line, “I still don’t think I’ll be late, but I wanted to keep you in the loop just in case!”

7. Would you or have you ever blackmailed someone?
Nope. I don’t conceal when consequences will happen, but I make sure it’s not a threat.

8. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life. Do you do it?
I wouldn’t want anybody to do that for me, and I don’t think that anybody I know would want that either.

9. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
Yes.

10. Does sex=love?
Sex happens without love for other people, but I don’t think I could ever have sex with somebody unless I loved them. So for me, it’s not “equal” to love (you can’t replace one word with the other), but it would require love and could be taken as private act that proves how much you love and trust each other. But again, that’s for me. I don’t have anything against people who view it as more casual than that.

11. Are you old fashioned?
Depends on what you think that means. To me, it’s a super vague term, but I think that usually it means “somebody who dates with the goal of eventually finding their lifelong love (as opposed to purposely seeking short-term relationships or one-night stands) and sticks to monogamous relationships (as opposed to polygamy, swinging, or open relationships).” So with that definition, yes. But I really don’t mind other people wanting different kinds of relationships, so if my not having a problem with consenting adults doing whatever they want is enough to make me not old fashioned, then no.

12. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex?
If I really love them, yes, with sadness and frustration but no hesitation.

13. What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?